Wild Forests

2005-08-16 - 6:46 p.m.

I'm always a bit stunned at my body when buying clothes. Not at the sizes I buy, but at the way I look in those four-mirror-catch-every-angle rooms. I still, still, after all these years, think of myself the way I looked when I was 18 - long, angular and thin. But I'm not, anymore. I'm rounded, chubby, zaftig. I've got curves. Unfortunately, they're not really boob curves, but more curves of the arse and hips. Really, I could live with arse and hips curves if they came with boob curves.

Most of the time, I'm fairly happy with my body. It's always a balancing exercise in my mind though - "I could live with the arse if I didn't have the stomach. I could live with the stomach if I had boobs to match. I could live with the cellulite... nah, I really hate cellulite." I'd like to lose weight. I don't exercise enough, and I eat too much sugar and fat. But I'm not unhappy enough with my body to do anything really constructive about it. I always have good intentions, and they always fade really fast.

I hate the way men never seem to worry about their bodies, the way they appear to other people. (Apart from those teenage years when everyone's worrying whether other people will ever want to sleep with them.) I constantly compare my body with other women, feel relieved when I see someone fatter than me, or uglier than me, and terrible when I see a woman with a rock hard stomach striding past. Do you think it's purely a societal thing, this obsession with our bodies? Or is it built in, scribbled along our DNA? "Thou wilt never be satisfied."

I keep reminding myself that this is technically a Friday night, that I don't have to go to work tomorrow and can stay up as late as I like. I bet I won't be able to sleep in though - I'll wake up in a panic at 6.30, worrying that I've missed the train.

You know what I love? Stuffed crust pizza from Pizza Hut. It's just so cheesy and so fatty and.. gah. I have cravings. Where's that pizza voucher?

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journal latest archives extras reading recipes links design contact notes email guestbook lately Time wasting - 2005-08-29 Destorying the patriarchy - 2005-08-28 Remnants of winter - 2005-08-27 Careers - 2005-08-20 Fairy floss - 2005-08-18 diaryland	2005-08-16 - 6:46 p.m. I'm always a bit stunned at my body when buying clothes. Not at the sizes I buy, but at the way I look in those four-mirror-catch-every-angle rooms. I still, still, after all these years, think of myself the way I looked when I was 18 - long, angular and thin. But I'm not, anymore. I'm rounded, chubby, zaftig. I've got curves. Unfortunately, they're not really boob curves, but more curves of the arse and hips. Really, I could live with arse and hips curves if they came with boob curves. Most of the time, I'm fairly happy with my body. It's always a balancing exercise in my mind though - "I could live with the arse if I didn't have the stomach. I could live with the stomach if I had boobs to match. I could live with the cellulite... nah, I really hate cellulite." I'd like to lose weight. I don't exercise enough, and I eat too much sugar and fat. But I'm not unhappy enough with my body to do anything really constructive about it. I always have good intentions, and they always fade really fast. I hate the way men never seem to worry about their bodies, the way they appear to other people. (Apart from those teenage years when everyone's worrying whether other people will ever want to sleep with them.) I constantly compare my body with other women, feel relieved when I see someone fatter than me, or uglier than me, and terrible when I see a woman with a rock hard stomach striding past. Do you think it's purely a societal thing, this obsession with our bodies? Or is it built in, scribbled along our DNA? "Thou wilt never be satisfied." I keep reminding myself that this is technically a Friday night, that I don't have to go to work tomorrow and can stay up as late as I like. I bet I won't be able to sleep in though - I'll wake up in a panic at 6.30, worrying that I've missed the train. You know what I love? Stuffed crust pizza from Pizza Hut. It's just so cheesy and so fatty and.. gah. I have cravings. Where's that pizza voucher? \| previous - next